I Beg
Something that has driven me crazy since the first day coming to Sierra Leone is this idea of begging. When people here want something bad, they will often beg the person. They always say "I beg." If someone begs me for something, I have no desire to give them anything.
If I want to give a person something, I want to give them something because I love that person or because I want to help a person. I think my students have learned this quickly. They know that if they beg me for anything, I will not give them anything.
For example, if I am eating bread during lunchtime, instead of begging me, they will just stand around me and if they are lucky, maybe I will give them the end of my bread. But as soon as one of my students begs me for my bread, all desire to give to that person leaves my head.
The other day, a student in class 6 was begging me for a lolipop. I asked my class 3 students who were with me if I will give him if he begs me. They immediately said "Miss. K will not give you." I do not understand why people seem to think begging will get them more because in my own mind, in my own world, it turns me off from giving anything.
My friend was at my house this morning time as I was cleaning up the house after one of our housemates Nikki left to go back to the United States. She had left some boxes of crayons so without my friend asking for them, I just gave her one box to take back to her siblings. But as soon as I gave one, she began to ask for more. She asked me for another box of crayons, then she asked for a book, and for a glue-stick. And I just had to refuse. If I hadn't refused, I would have given her the whole house. It is frustrating that one kind gesture can turn into a whole lot of begging for more.
One time, I gave one of the little boys in my neighborhood a jolly rancher. He did not ask me, I just was eating one so I thought I would share with him. About 2 minutes later, about 20 neighborhood children came to my gate, begging for a sweet.
If someone begs me for money, I absolutely will not give that person. For example, a friend of mine always begs me to give her money so she can buy credit for her phone. I have only bought her phone credit one time because a family member died and she needed to call relatives. But the only reason I see no need to buy her phone credit is because she constantly begs for it. If she never asked me for phone credit and I knew that she was always in need of phone credit, I would be much more inclined to buy her phone credit.
My best friend, Serah, had a baby living at her house. It was her uncle's baby who their family was taking care of because the mother had died in childbirth. Unfortunately, the baby was sick and after we had taken her to the hospital, the baby passed away. The family did not ask me for anything during this time of mourning. But I chose to use my money to pay for the fuel for motorbikes so that we could go to the village to tell the family and to bury the baby. When tragic things like this happen, and the family has very little money, I have no problem giving. It was important to them to be able to go to the village to meet with the family and I had the financial means to be able to help the family during this time of tragedy.
Because of myself giving to the family during this time, the mother decided that she and her children would begin to go to the mosque on fridays to pray. She wants them to go to church but because the father is Muslim, he will not agree. That day, she saw something valuable in not what I had given the family, but in the act of giving.
One day, a friend came to me and asked me for 2,000 Le because she wanted to go to the tailor to go sew a shirt. She needed to pay the woman 10,000 Le and she had 8,000 Le. But I had just noticed that she got her nails done in the market. I simply asked her how much money she spent getting her nails done and she told me she had spent 3,000 Le. I absolutely refused to give her the 2,000 and told her to find the money elsewhere. Even though 2,000 Le is small money for me, about $.50, I still refused to give it to her. Why would you go and do your nails when you knew you wanted to go have the tailor sew a shirt for you?
The other day, I asked a friend who works for SNAP, an American NGO in Sierra Leone. If you work for an NGO here, it is assumed that you have money because generally they pay their employees well. I asked him if it was common for people to constantly beg him for money. He said it happens all the time. People constantly will ask him for money to pay school fees, or money to buy food, or money for this and that.
This made me realize that is not necessarily because I am white, it is because people think I have money. Not only are white people, but Sierra Leoneans too who have money, are constantly being bombarded with friends and relatives wanting money, or asking them to care for their children, or asking for resources. People here have no shame.
I grew up in a home where my parents made me work for everything. I started working when I was 12 years old to make money. I would go and babysit and I would mow my neighbors lawns. I had a lucrative business going on in my neighborhood. By the time I reached high school, I was expected to be able to buy my own clothes and use my own money when I spent time with friends.
So here, when I see people just asking me for things or for money, I will tell them about how I grew up. I will tell them about how I learned to work for my money, how money does not just fall from the sky. That is why I am very hesitant to just give people money. People need to learn to work for their money. If all the time people just give you money, in the end, what are you learning?
I have one student in my class whose school fees are paid by a Canadian family. I believe it is because if this she does extremely poor in my class. Her motivation to learn is extremely low and her mother's investment in her child's education does not exist. When you yourself are not educated, and you do not feel the financial burden to pay for the school fees, how can you motivate your child to try in school?
There are appropriate times when I can give money to benefit those around me. For example, a student at CRC asked me for money to buy a calculator and a mathematical set that he needed for his BECE, a standardized test that all students take in order to go onto Secondary School. Because he is an extremely respectful, hard working, and good-hearted student, I happily helped him with this.
But many times, I will try my best to refrain from giving money, especially if it is not for something that is going to build you up as a person. Why would I give you money to go and buy clothes? How is that going to positively impact your life?
If I want to give a person something, I want to give them something because I love that person or because I want to help a person. I think my students have learned this quickly. They know that if they beg me for anything, I will not give them anything.
For example, if I am eating bread during lunchtime, instead of begging me, they will just stand around me and if they are lucky, maybe I will give them the end of my bread. But as soon as one of my students begs me for my bread, all desire to give to that person leaves my head.
The other day, a student in class 6 was begging me for a lolipop. I asked my class 3 students who were with me if I will give him if he begs me. They immediately said "Miss. K will not give you." I do not understand why people seem to think begging will get them more because in my own mind, in my own world, it turns me off from giving anything.
My friend was at my house this morning time as I was cleaning up the house after one of our housemates Nikki left to go back to the United States. She had left some boxes of crayons so without my friend asking for them, I just gave her one box to take back to her siblings. But as soon as I gave one, she began to ask for more. She asked me for another box of crayons, then she asked for a book, and for a glue-stick. And I just had to refuse. If I hadn't refused, I would have given her the whole house. It is frustrating that one kind gesture can turn into a whole lot of begging for more.
One time, I gave one of the little boys in my neighborhood a jolly rancher. He did not ask me, I just was eating one so I thought I would share with him. About 2 minutes later, about 20 neighborhood children came to my gate, begging for a sweet.
If someone begs me for money, I absolutely will not give that person. For example, a friend of mine always begs me to give her money so she can buy credit for her phone. I have only bought her phone credit one time because a family member died and she needed to call relatives. But the only reason I see no need to buy her phone credit is because she constantly begs for it. If she never asked me for phone credit and I knew that she was always in need of phone credit, I would be much more inclined to buy her phone credit.
My best friend, Serah, had a baby living at her house. It was her uncle's baby who their family was taking care of because the mother had died in childbirth. Unfortunately, the baby was sick and after we had taken her to the hospital, the baby passed away. The family did not ask me for anything during this time of mourning. But I chose to use my money to pay for the fuel for motorbikes so that we could go to the village to tell the family and to bury the baby. When tragic things like this happen, and the family has very little money, I have no problem giving. It was important to them to be able to go to the village to meet with the family and I had the financial means to be able to help the family during this time of tragedy.
Because of myself giving to the family during this time, the mother decided that she and her children would begin to go to the mosque on fridays to pray. She wants them to go to church but because the father is Muslim, he will not agree. That day, she saw something valuable in not what I had given the family, but in the act of giving.
One day, a friend came to me and asked me for 2,000 Le because she wanted to go to the tailor to go sew a shirt. She needed to pay the woman 10,000 Le and she had 8,000 Le. But I had just noticed that she got her nails done in the market. I simply asked her how much money she spent getting her nails done and she told me she had spent 3,000 Le. I absolutely refused to give her the 2,000 and told her to find the money elsewhere. Even though 2,000 Le is small money for me, about $.50, I still refused to give it to her. Why would you go and do your nails when you knew you wanted to go have the tailor sew a shirt for you?
The other day, I asked a friend who works for SNAP, an American NGO in Sierra Leone. If you work for an NGO here, it is assumed that you have money because generally they pay their employees well. I asked him if it was common for people to constantly beg him for money. He said it happens all the time. People constantly will ask him for money to pay school fees, or money to buy food, or money for this and that.
This made me realize that is not necessarily because I am white, it is because people think I have money. Not only are white people, but Sierra Leoneans too who have money, are constantly being bombarded with friends and relatives wanting money, or asking them to care for their children, or asking for resources. People here have no shame.
I grew up in a home where my parents made me work for everything. I started working when I was 12 years old to make money. I would go and babysit and I would mow my neighbors lawns. I had a lucrative business going on in my neighborhood. By the time I reached high school, I was expected to be able to buy my own clothes and use my own money when I spent time with friends.
So here, when I see people just asking me for things or for money, I will tell them about how I grew up. I will tell them about how I learned to work for my money, how money does not just fall from the sky. That is why I am very hesitant to just give people money. People need to learn to work for their money. If all the time people just give you money, in the end, what are you learning?
I have one student in my class whose school fees are paid by a Canadian family. I believe it is because if this she does extremely poor in my class. Her motivation to learn is extremely low and her mother's investment in her child's education does not exist. When you yourself are not educated, and you do not feel the financial burden to pay for the school fees, how can you motivate your child to try in school?
There are appropriate times when I can give money to benefit those around me. For example, a student at CRC asked me for money to buy a calculator and a mathematical set that he needed for his BECE, a standardized test that all students take in order to go onto Secondary School. Because he is an extremely respectful, hard working, and good-hearted student, I happily helped him with this.
But many times, I will try my best to refrain from giving money, especially if it is not for something that is going to build you up as a person. Why would I give you money to go and buy clothes? How is that going to positively impact your life?
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